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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 20, 2004 17:48:54 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]A Small Problem [/glow]
A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks. The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?''
Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, ''I know how to make them larger!''
''How!?!?!?'' she asks.
''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.''
''Well how long does it take?'' she asks.
''They should expand over the years,'' he answers.
''How did you know that?'' she wonders.
''I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?'''
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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 29, 2004 16:52:01 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Yeeeer momes[/glow] Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your morn's the best lay in town."
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your morn, and it was sahwe-e-et!"
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "Your morn even let me..."
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad--you're drunk!"
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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 29, 2004 16:59:03 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]THE CAMEL[/glow] A very respected Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a remote desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old seedy looking camel tied out behind the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "Why is a camel tied to the barracks?"
The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do... well... we have the camel. "
The Captain said, "Well, I suppose if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me. "
After he had been stationed at the fort for six lonely months, the Captain simply couldn't control his sexual needs any longer. He barked to his Sergeant: "BRING THE CAMEL INTO MY TENT! " The Sergeant shrugged his shoulders, looked at the other men, and lead the camel into the Captain's quarters. Within a few minutes, he Captain emerged from his tent, fastening his trousers, almost beaming with pride. So, Sergeant, is that how the enlisted men do it?," he asked.
The Sergeant replied, "Well, sir, usually they just use it to ride into town."
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Post by SlyFrawst on Feb 2, 2004 1:19:36 GMT -5
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.
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Post by SlyFrawst on Feb 2, 2004 1:22:10 GMT -5
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife typically ull hear its thru his stomach well yea feed us and ur in possibly dependin on the job
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Post by SlyFrawst on Feb 2, 2004 1:23:52 GMT -5
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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Post by SlyFrawst on Feb 2, 2004 1:26:03 GMT -5
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
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Post by SlyFrawst on Feb 2, 2004 14:41:47 GMT -5
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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Post by SlyFrawst on Feb 2, 2004 14:44:12 GMT -5
Q: Why is there no Disneyland in China? A: No one' s tall enough to go on the good rides
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Post by SlyFrawst on Feb 2, 2004 14:56:14 GMT -5
Q: What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? A:The position of the dirt bag.
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Post by SlyFrawst on Feb 18, 2004 16:40:30 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]New drive-through teller instructions: [/glow]
"Please note that this Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances, MALE or FEMALE, and remember them when you use the machine for the first time."
MALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Put down your car window.
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6 Put window up
7 Drive off
FEMALE PROCEDURE 1 Drive up to cash machine
2 Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window to machine
3 Set parking Brake, put the window down
4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5 Turn the radio down
6 Attempt to insert card into machine
7 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
8 Insert card
9 Re-insert card the right way up
10 Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
11 Enter PIN.
12 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13 Enter amount of cash required
14 Check make up in rear view mirror
15 Retrieve cash and receipt
16 Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside
17 Place receipt in back of checkbook
18 Re-check make-up again
19 Drive forward 2 feet
20 Reverse back to cash machine
21 Retrieve card
22 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
23 Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver queuing behind
24 Restart stalled engine and pull off
25 Drive for 2 to 3 miles
26 Release Parking Brake
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Post by SlyFrawst on Feb 18, 2004 16:48:13 GMT -5
[shadow=red,left,300] HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT[/shadow]
1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK -He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
8. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
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Post by SlyFrawst on Feb 19, 2004 8:49:17 GMT -5
Accordin to the old saying all roads lead to what Italian city?? Rome (ROAM)
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Post by D1ABOL1CAL on Sept 20, 2004 16:29:32 GMT -5
Why do niggers always have sex on their minds? Because they have pubes on their heads!
Why don't sharks eat niggers? They think its whale shit!
Why was white chocolate invented? So nigger kids could get messy too!
How many polacks does it take to clean a bathroom? None, it's a niggers job
Why was the nigger with diarrea freaking out? He thought he was melting!
Whats the difference between niggers and snow tires? Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them!
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Post by SlyFrawst on Sept 20, 2004 22:46:40 GMT -5
On the Lamb Q: Did u hear about the Arkansas farmer who thought he had a std?
A: It turns out that he was actually allergic to wool.
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