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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 7, 2004 15:28:06 GMT -5
Legally blonde grrrrrls can u say airheads [glow=red,2,300]Catch Line [/glow] This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. "Honey, are you okay?" he asks her. "Yes" she replies. "Then what are you doing?" he asks. "I wanted to prove to you that not all blonde women are dumb and I wanted to do it by painting the house." she replies. "Then why are you wearing a ski jacket over a fur coat?" he asks. "Well," she replies "I was reading the directions on the paint can and it said.....
[glow=red,2,300]Punch Line[/glow] FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 9, 2004 17:11:40 GMT -5
What does michael jackson consider a perfect 10? 2 five year olds
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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 9, 2004 17:12:17 GMT -5
What do you call a group of black men in a open field? Antique farm equipment
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Post by Cyberdemon on Jan 10, 2004 18:35:36 GMT -5
Whats the difference between Jews and canoes?
Canoes tip.
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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 11, 2004 14:50:17 GMT -5
heh good 1 wesley snipes.. This is more of a 1 liner truth statement rather than the past 1 liners jokes ive made on past 2 posts.
Why are there erasers on pencils? Mistakes are meant to be made
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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 12, 2004 16:55:58 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Catch Line [/glow] /me When the Lord made man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss. /me The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss. /me The legs argued that since they took man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss. /me The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss. /me The eyes said that without them, man would be helpless, so we should be boss. /me Then the ass hole spoke up for the job...
The other parts of the body laughed so hard that the ass hole became so mad that he closed up.
After a few days, the brain went foggy, the legs got wobbly, the stomach got cramped, the eyes got crossed and unable to see. They all conceded and made the ass hole boss. [glow=red,2,300]Punch Line[/glow] This proves that you don't have to be a brain to be a boss. Just an ass hole.
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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 12, 2004 17:04:45 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Catch Line [/glow] Wesley wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirin and a glass of water on the table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Wesley looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table- "Honey, breakfast is on the stove,I left early to go shopping.Love you." So, he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning paper. His son is also at the table,eating. Wesley asks "Son,What happened last night?" His son says "Well, you came home after 3 a.m.,drunk and delirious.Broke some furniture,puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Wesley asks "So why is everything in order and so clean and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"...... [glow=red,2,300]Punch Line[/glow] His son replies "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said,"Lady,Leave me alone,I'm married!!"
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Post by Cyberdemon on Jan 12, 2004 20:20:11 GMT -5
Does that refer to me
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Sawtoothhook
Errand Boy
BrInG iT I'Ll OwN j00 FaStEr TheN CB GeTs A kIte StUcK in a TrEe
Posts: 10
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Post by Sawtoothhook on Jan 12, 2004 21:43:59 GMT -5
talk about talk
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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 14, 2004 16:11:55 GMT -5
[shadow=red,left,300]One Drunken Night [/shadow]
A Drunken Night A guy named Cortacua wakes up in a drunken stupor, opening his eyes he sees Claudia Schiffer on the bed next to him. He thinks this is a little odd, as he doesn't remember a thing, let alone going to bed with her. He decides to get up and get himself a drink from the fridge. He gets to the fridge and opens the door and is faced with a large suitcase. He takes the suitcase out of the fridge, puts it on the table and opens it to find $1 Million. This is just a little too much for the guy who thinks he is losing his mind. He wonders if he is hallucinating, so he goes to the window and draws back the blind. Outside on his front lawn is the Klu Klux Klan and Damnling from the tree is an open noose, empty. They appear to be beckoning him and shouting. Now the guy is really freaked out, he quickly draws the blind and turns around.
In the corner of his kitchen is a leprechaun, obviously drunk as well.
He asks the leprechaun what is going on.
"Well," says the leprechaun, "I was drunk last night as well, and as I was crossing the road, I was nearly run down. You ran across the road and pushed me to safety, so I granted you three wishes in return for saving me."
"Well, I can guess the first one" says the guy, "Supermodel, bed, yeah I got that one. What about the other two?"
"The money in the fridge?" says the leprechaun, "You asked for a cool million."
"And them out there?" asks the guy,
"You said you wanted to be hung like a black man."
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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 14, 2004 16:22:21 GMT -5
[shadow=red,left,300]Birdy [/shadow]
There was a man sunbathing on a beach naked. A girl came along and pointed to his dingly Damnly and asked, "what is that?" He replied, "It's my bird!" She ran away to play in the sand cheerfully. The man fell asleep. zZzZzZz. Later he woke up in hospital with pain around his groin. He did not know what had gone wrong. He thought back maybe the girl might know, so once he was out of the hospital he asked her.
She replied, "I played with the bird and it spat at me so I cracked its neck, broke its eggs, and burnt its nest."
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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 14, 2004 16:38:19 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]From Cradle to Ladle [/glow]
Don invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Don's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Don and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Don and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Don volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to Don and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Don said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So, he sat down and wrote, dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But, the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, Don received a letter from his mother which read: dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But, the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mom.
Lesson of the day: Don't lie to your mother.
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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 14, 2004 16:43:57 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Golf on the Sly[/glow]
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 14, 2004 17:32:37 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Banging and banking[/glow]
Sex is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
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Post by SlyFrawst on Jan 14, 2004 17:47:18 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]CROSSDRESSER[/glow]
Q. What's a transvestite's idea of a good time? A. Eat, drink, and be bloody Mary nash!
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